Blazer: Christian Dior, Top: Ralph Lauren, Skirt: Michael Kors, Pumps: BCBG Max Azria, Bag: Chanel, Earrings: Kenneth Jay Lane, Ring: YSL

Here’s my take on being a wedding guest and all of the articles that you will ever read on being appropriately dressed for this joyous occasion.

Here’s my truthful and honest advice from the bottom of my heart: THEY ARE ALL SHIT. Those dos and don’ts, yes’es and no-nos. Seriously, don’t read them as they will turn your brain into diarrhoea and will leave YOU guilty if you listen to their crap advice. Why so brutal, you ask? Well let me tell you (other than the fact that I am usually brutal).

See, I have never been to a wedding before this one a few days ago. That’s right, never. This was my first experience and boy, did I want to look perfectly appropriate. After consuming an endless number of articles about the best lengths, best ideas, how not to under or overdress, I got extremely confused. Jesus Christ, I thought, dafuq is it that they all want from me? So, I give you my outfit prep timeline:
3 weeks before the day: I had the perfect outfit which ticked all of the boxes of the articles I read;
2.5 weeks prior: The boyf announced I looked like a total housewife in it;
1.5 weeks prior: I am still in denial. Surely the journos who wrote those well researched articles knew better;
1 week prior: Mental breakdown and 5 Skype conferences with my mother established that it was rather a day dress which I could have rocked, had I chosen to, but I could do better than that;
3 days prior: The groom who happens to be one of my best friends, having analysed all of this drama, told me to come dressed just the way I wanted.
On the day: I took the groom’s advice – it’s his wedding, after all. And I dressed the way that made me, le boyf, the bride, groom and everyone else I could think of happy. Except the authors of the wedding-guest-style-agony-aunt articles, as I think I broke all of their rules about skirt length, make-up and transparent lace tops.

So, if you are off to a wedding and have no idea what to wear, please don’t read or google that shit. I know you are thinking of doing that because I can read your mind. But just don’t.

Wear something that you truly like and can make the newlyweds see that you made a tremendous effort for them and that you care deeply. That’s all that matters.

Just don’t roll up only in nature’s finest. You may be escorted out and crossed out of the Christmas card list.