Images: Ahmed Fayed
So my thigh journey continued. I lost a lot of weight and started looking skeletal, minus the thighs. They still thundered on, no matter how ridiculously small I turned myself into.
So I started option number 3 – 50s A line skirts and maxi skirts. I figured as long as no one can see my gross thighs, who can prove they are as bad as they are in my mirror? It’s like if you partied with the Kardashians, and didn’t snap a selfie with them – did it really happen?
Of course, sticking with option number 3 was starting to get hard in summer months and it made me feel extremely self-conscious. Any brand that approached me to model or blog for them would get radio silence from me as I was petrified they’d ask me to wear something above the knee. I still remembered the chills I’d get at the thought of that.
This all of course started at a single comment that perhaps I shouldn’t wear that skirt and that “if I worked harder on my legs, one day I could allow myself to try a mini skirt”. Don’t get me wrong – this comment is all I still hear in my head as I look at the images above. All I can see are thunder thighs and how my legs are awful compared to someone else’s. Anyone else’s, for that matter.
We all see our selves in different ways. Had I not mentioned what’s going on in my head, I doubt anyone would notice my legs or even think to comment on them.
So what has pushed me over the edge and drove me to face my fear of going for such a scandalously thigh revealing look? Being annoyed at myself that I had become a victim of a comment, of someone’s view, of someone’s dislike of my body part for 27 years. It had to end one day, right?
Wrong. A step like this is winning the battle – but the war still rages on. I’ve learned to be better to myself and distance myself from constant self criticism. Waking up everyday and feeling nothing but fixated on how disappointed I feel about my appearance is not a good way to start a morning. So this is what I started doing to boost my self esteem:
- I stopped buying clothes that are too big for me. They made me feel smaller. Do I need to feel smaller? Nope. I need to feel comfortable. If not that, then just fabulous.
- I stopped being fixated on my thunder thighs. This was really hard. But the second I let them be, I started feeling free. I suddenly remembered why I loved fashion and outfit creation.
- I switched my mindset. So what that someone doesn’t like something in me? Do I have to follow suit and dislike myself? Of course not. Plus, I am surrounded by people who have zero problems with my legs. Or any other body part.
- I faced my fear. Although I still have to climb Mount Kilimanjaro to be where I want to be in terms of feeling self-conscious, it was a step in the right direction. A few more mini skirts or daisy dukes – and perhaps I will get there.
- I focused on happiness. Spending time with my boyfriend, friends and eating carbs made me happy. So I did just that, and I still do.
A massive shoutout to Abbott & Mosley. This brand brought that luxury feel to relatively affordable watches. Marble faces, beautiful leather straps and rose gold dials all made this particular watch true Instagram candy, not to mention lust-worthy accessories.
While I have your attention, a wink to Madam Rage, who sent me this dress. It inspired me to stand up and face my fears and self-consciousness. If that’s not a good dress, I don’t know what is.